Your partner is always busy at work, you’re always busy at work. So, what do you do? Many couples find it hard to keep the spark and romance in their relationship after having children so you’re are not alone but there are a few things you should know before you try to spice things up. This post will tell you what you need to know to make sure you keep the romance alive and bring you back to the beast you once were! *Wolf howl*
Everybody loves getting things at work. The delivery person comes in and everyone stares waiting to see who gets the goodies. Sending your significant other a gift “just because” keeps the fire burning. Send a bouquet of roses or a box of chocolates with a card. It only takes a little bit of money for this big gesture of appreciation. Other ideas include a surprise date night or stay in and cook a romantic meal for the two of you.
Have more sex
This is just a no-brainer and best of all it’s free. Try out new sexual positions there are many innovative sex positions out there, now I know you think you may have done them all, but we are certain you haven’t. Always ask your partner before introducing something new and obviously never pressure your spouse into doing something. Ideas could include: watch porn together, try anal sex, use a sex toy, try role-playing, talk dirty to each other or simply buy your spouse some lingerie (your spouse will love it). The bedroom is a comfortable and convenient place to have sex with your spouse however you can always mix it up. Kitchen worktop? Disabled toilets? A private swimming pool? On a beach or a plane. Wild we know but this stuff is not just for the movies.
Tell your spouse what you like and encourage them to do the same. Communicating with your spouse about what you like sexually is important. Talk frequently and honestly with each other about sex, if the sexual intimacy in your marriage is lacking do not ignore the situation. Address it by discussing your feelings and do not come from a place of blame. This is likely to go down a bad for you both you and your spouse, treat this as the sensitive topic that it is. Sweeping sexual issues under the rug will only make them worse over time.
Grooming will change the appearance of your pubic area. It will not only be visually pleasing to your spouse’s eyes but will create different sensations as well. Shower before and after, when you feel clean you feel even more confident and well we all know that means! A human’s sense of smell is very strong and it’s never to be overlooked. Lack of good hygiene can be a turnoff. Keep clean, it’s that simple.
Don’t give up
Things might be a little awkward if you and your spouse have not had sex in a while so don’t worry if the two of you don’t get back into the swing of things straight away, it’s a process and it can take time, just make sure to communicate and respect each other. Things may not change unless you take control and make the decision to change things so get going and get flowing.
Sometimes it’s hard to go back to the way things used to be, but that doesn’t mean it never will, keep trying at it and be spontaneous, your partner will appreciate it!
Dad, it’s safe. It’s safe to have sex whilst your partner is pregnant. We don’t know who invented the myth, but no your penis will not poke the baby! Here’s a heads up, if your partner has just given you the great news of a pregnancy, a study showed that 54% of woman say that their libido dramatically decreases during the first trimester due to exhaustion and nausea so be sure to postpone your needs and provide support where appropriate. Here are 5 things to take into consideration when having sex during pregnancy to ensure pleasant and safe sessions.
Discover suitable positions
We asked some women and the general feedback is that penetration from the back or the woman on top is both comfortable and satisfying whilst pregnant which we know is great news. Spooning is also nice, everybody enjoys a good spoon. However, be sure to ask your partner what she likes as every woman is different and go from there. You may also realize that your partner’s libido has increased in the second and the beginning of the third trimester and again, this great news. It’s just a happy time, enjoy it!
Discuss this topic with a doctor. Also, if you think you or your partner have an STI, things can be done to minimize the risk of the infection spreading to your baby as this is the last thing you want. In most cases it’s safe to go ahead but why would you risk it without an official thumbs up? Even if you think you’re right and rain, have yourself tested anyways.
Understand the limits.
Remember, your partner is pregnant and so do not expect the same high energy performance that you would otherwise be used to. Be patience and constantly communicate. “Is that ok?” “Are you comfortable” should do the trick. In addition, it’s better to avoid anal sex, you do not want to run the risk of contamination as this may harm the baby and we do not want that. There are many facts regarding sex during pregnancy and you’ll do well to research them.
Understand the facts
Sex is, for the most part, safe during all stages of pregnancy. However, if you and your partner have a history of miscarries you may want to avoid sex altogether for at least the first three months. Sex can continue all the way up and till your partner’s water breaks as long as she is comfortable to do so. Expect fluctuations in desire, this is normal and does not mean she is attracted to you any less. Stop and see your doctor immediately if there is any vaginal bleeding.
Use this time to really bond with your partner. You can maintain intimacy without even having sex. You can do this by giving your partner a full body massage, dance together, taking a bath together or cooking together. No matter what it is, do it together and share this sacred period. If this is your first child, you may see your partner in a different light. Tell her how you feel about her, open up and connect on a higher level.
Sex during pregnancy can be a scary thought for some couples. With the right guidance and some experimental sex during pregnancy can be just as enjoyable.
Yes bro, we’re taking it here. Household bills, kids’ tuition, individual spending habits, addictions, breadwinners, resentment, and our personal favourite, blame. The general consensus (in the UK) is that we hate discussing money so today we’re going to face our fears head-on. However, there is a time and a place to have the money talk to ensure you and your significant other feel better, not worse after the conversation has ended. Here are five ways to talk with your partner about money, without sleep on the sofa.
Talk about your goals first
By talking about your goals first you will start to understand where each other’s heads are at. Assessing this stage is an integral part the discussion, by understanding your partners wants and needs, together you can both start to plan how you aim to achieve those goals together with your relationship still in tack. It may be a good idea to get them down on paper, this way you will both have something physical to revisit should you start to stray off course.
Tell the truth
The hardest thing about discussing money is being honest. We understand that by airing your dirty laundry may leave you in an extremely vulnerable space. But what’s the worst that can happen? (We can think of a few things!) You and your partner are a team and if you’re married do you remember the whole, “for richer, for poorer” speech. Yes, that still stands. Tell the truth and feel the weight lift of all your shoulders. In the reverse, respect your partner for having the strength to come clean.
Discuss both earning and spending
Bringing the bacon home can sometimes be remarkably skewed. If that’s the case it needs to be discussed. What’s expected of each party? Is the money collated into one big monthly pot? The only real luxury is time. Poor spending habits can quickly bring the status of a money talk from a discussion to full-blown argument. Speak with empathy and understanding. Your heart must not be in a place of resentment if you and your partner are to come to a healthy place regarding money.
There may come a point where your partner is not happy regarding your financial habits and they are well within their rights to voice their frustration in a respectful way. This is your chance to show your maturity, take it on the chin, understand the reactions of your actions and apologise (if you’re sorry). A sincere apology is massive for closure and doing so will allow you both to move forward. The ear to mouth ratio is two to one for a reason, listen twice and much as you speak.
Know when to pause or postpone
We’re not here to paint pretty pictures, sometimes the above is just not going to work. Wrong time or place, maybe your partner had a rough day. Either way, both parties must want to mutually discuss money. If you have said something that has rubbed your partner up the wrong way it may be time to take a break or even revisit the topic at a later date. At the end of the money talk, understand that it was a separate conversation. Try not to let this interfere with your love for each other and your children.
Rome was not built in a day dad, it’s a journey. Enjoy it.
Don’t have kids, done. We’re joking! Money continues to be a constant constraint for a lot of parents and with the ever-increasing fees that childcare embodies, saving whenever and wherever you will ensure you get the best bang for your buck. The cost of childcare varies depending on the type of childcare and your location. We also spoke to a few fathers and they all agreed that if you factor in commuting costs, it may not make financial sense for both of you to work. Grab a pen, here are 5 ways to cut the cost of childcare.
Ask your boss if it’s possible to work from home for a set period of time or a couple of days a week. Remember when asking, timing is everything. Is it a suitable time for the business? Anticipate the red flags and have a reply ready. Working from home can save a huge amount of time and money if granted. Your boss may have concerns and they do, try suggesting a trial run to see how things go. We know this is hard but if you’re successful, you’re in the money.
Work different hours to your spouse
If the opportunity permits, it may be a good idea to work different hours to your partner. This can decrease the cost of childcare as you may not need to use those services as often. Have the conversation, voicing the issue of money and plan what can be done to alleviate some of the financial burdens.
Find a father friend
Trust is the biggest thing with this one. Firstly, and this is important, make they are an actual friend and not some random bloke who once looked after a football. Tapping into your network of friends can be a big help when trying to save on childcare. Before committing to something like this, consult your partner if applicable. Like the old saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child. We say it takes a good friend to save money! Shameless plug: You can find father friends on our app.
Research the tax breaks available
If you can be bothered to dig deeper (big sigh), there are lots of things available to parents regarding childcare and the cost of it. For example, there is tax-free childcare but be sure to check the eligibility, you can also apply for a childcare grant if you’re in full-time higher education for children under fifteen or under seventeen if they have special needs.
Ask the Grandparents
As the number of intergenerational households steadily increase it’s ideal to ask the grandparents. They have a wealth of experience as they have been there and done it and are still around to tell the tale. A thriving relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren are amongst the best thing this life has to offer. Allow the satisfying bonding sessions to occur frequently, grandparents will thank you and so will your bank account. Win-win.
We hope you use this information to your advantage, (another shameless plug coming right up) help another dad today by inviting them to Dadapp. We’re fluent in fatherhood.
Money is important, it can be your best friend one minute and your worst enemy the next. However, not teaching your children about money is doing wrong by them. Money habits are often passed down through generations. If you’ve been taught good money habits, it’s your duty to pass the information on. Like many of us, we were not taught properly and so, unfortunately, history is on course to repeat itself. But this doesn’t have to be you and more importantly, it doesn’t need to be your children. Here are five ways to teach your child about money.
For toddlers and young children, use a clear piggy bank.
Use a clear piggy bank or jar for the simple fact that it’s transparent. Motivation never hurt anyone and if you can get your child to get excited to see their money increasing, it will make it easier for them. Provide praise when they save and encourage if they stumble off course. Above all, have fun with it!
Be the example you want to see in your kids.
“Do what I say, not as I do” Please don’t be this Dad. Whether you like or not, your little one(s) watches you. They will begin to pick up on the idea that Dad is not good with his money or on the flip side if he is great with money. Set the standard with your coins and you’ll be proud of how your children handle money in the future.
Let them do it
“Today, we’re going to the shop” Ask them to bring money but don’t tell them how much to bring. Let them pick out whatever they want and then ask them to pay for it using their money. Whilst your children are away picking, tell the cashier the lessons you’re trying to install. Most of the time, they will have the patience. Allow your children to physically past the money to the cashier after working out how much to pass over. If they don’t have enough, have the cashier kindly explain that they don’t have enough money to buy this/these items. You get the gist…
Pay them to create value
Read the subtitle to again, it doesn’t say “pay them to do a job” By all means if they do chores, reward them but don’t just create a culture where they do a job to get paid. It’s important to also spark their entrepreneurial minds. There are many ways to create value. If they have an idea that’s feasible to get behind it financially and encourage them through adversities.
Give them the responsibility
Help them to get a job. Keyword, help. Teenagers have a lot of free time and so they can spend it earning, something they love so much. Another way to add responsibility is to let them manage their own bank account. By this time, they’re young adults and so it’s time for the sugarcoating to stop. This can be a major challenge for parents especially for a relationship between and father and daughter but it’s imperative for their development.
Parenting is teaching, it’s important to have these money talks because in this world that we live let’s face it Dad, money talks. So talk to your child.
MusicFootballFatherhood.com (MFF) is the most exciting parenting and lifestyle platform for men in the UK. Called the ‘mumsnet for dads’ by the BBC, MFF has a growing community of dads which they connect with through blogs, events, Twitter chats and their forthcoming YouTube show.
Dadapp sat down with MFF founder, Elliott Rae, to hear about his journey, fatherhood and what he has in store for the future of MFF.
How long has the blog been going?
The beginnings of MFF started on New Year’s Day 2016 but in it’s current form, we have been running since New Year’s Day 2017.
What has been MFF’s proudest moment?
Being featured on the BBC and having the most viewed video on the BBC website was pretty cool.
You haven’t signed up to Dadapp yet, what are you waiting for?!
I have now. And I’m ready to meet some dads in my local area!
What do you think is the biggest challenge affecting fathers today?
I think there are probably different challenges depending on where you are at in life and your current social situation. The dads who are part of the MFF community are mostly professional dads who are doing quite well in life. For them, I would say that balance is the most difficult thing. And by balance I mean having a successful career, a social life, a good relationship with your wife/partner, keeping fit, doing stuff to maintain the house and being an engaged dad. It’s hard to have it all. Ironically, now dads are more engaged than ever before, they are experiencing some of the same challenges that women and mothers have had for years.
You blog about fatherhood, why did you also add music and football?
When I originally started MFF, I wanted it to be a place where I could talk about all the things I really care about! And what I found is that most other dads are into music and football too 😉
As you blog about music who is your top 5 favourite rappers, dead or alive?
Oh, big question! I’ll have to go with the rappers who have had the biggest impact on me in various parts of my life. So these are not necessarily the best rappers technically but the ones who helped define certain periods of my life:
Chip, Biggie, Eminem, Wiley, Mase
How do you think the landscape of fatherhood has changed in the last decade?
Fatherhood has changed massively over the last decade. Dads are now more involved in family life than ever before. We are present at the birth and now have the option of Shared Parental Leave. We have more and more stay at home dads and dads working flexibly. The narrative around dads has changed massively but we still have a long way to go to change the perception of fatherhood.
When Dwayne “The Rock” showed support, what was your immediate reaction?
That anything is possible and if you work really hard, have a clean heart and believe in what you are doing, you never know where the universe will take you.
Mental health amongst men unfortunately still carries a stigma, why do you think this is?
In terms of the overall media perception, I don’t think there is a stigma anymore. But in terms of individuals and how comfortable men are talking to friends or professionals about their mental health, there still definitely is a stigma in that. But I think the tide is changing and a lot of younger men are having more open conversations about mental health and how they feel.
Legacy is really important to us. When you go, how would you like to be remembered for?
I’d like to be remembered as someone who was kind, ambitious and built movements. I believe we are all here to make an impact on the world and I want to have tapped into my full potential and use that to build a movement that helps dads and families.
What has MFF got planned for the rest of 2019?
It’s such an exciting time! We have just started our events, bi-monthly MFF Family Fun Days, which are really exciting because we get to connect with our community in real life. And we are also really excited about our forthcoming YouTube show where we take some of our #DaddyDebates topics and discuss with dads in real life.
Anything else you would like to add?Follow us on Twitter and Instagram @MFFonline_. Whether you are a new dad, expectant dad, single dad, grandad or any other type of dad – we are here for you!
Have you ever tried to be more efficient with money? If so, you’ll know how difficult it can be. Life is constantly trying to distract you and throw you off course. So, what do you do? There are many ways to dominate your finances but today we’ll tell you five.
It’s simple mathematics. Anything that lets you calculate your expenses is a good thing. If it doesn’t, just leave it alone. Ensure your family is in the loop and has at the least, a rough idea of the budget so you can tackle money together. Any good money planner should let you see the surplus constantly adjusting in accordance to your spending decisions. This is important because you don’t want to find out you have no money until you have no money. Especially if your little ones’ pastime is to see how fast they can get through a pack of pampers.
Pay Yourself First
If you’re not going to follow this step close this article now. If you’ve got a partner to write it in stone that this is what you will commit to. Financial emergencies crop up when life knows you can’t deal with them. Going forward, you’re in charge and you call the shots. This step is hard because with it comes delayed gratification, it’s easier to do this with a partner as you can hold each other accountable. If you’re going it alone, we suggest setting up an account you can’t easily access. We’re sorry but we know exactly what goes on when nobody’s watching!
After working through your monthly expenses, most banks allow you to set up a standing order. (A standing order is an instruction to a bank by an account holder to make regular fixed payments to yourself, another or an organization) This is paramount because it alleviates the stress, temptation and hassle of money management. You can also automate your bills by setting up a direct debit. Schedule payments for just after you get paid to ensure you never miss a bill.
Dominate your time
You’ve heard it before bro, time is money. If you don’t dominate your time, you’ll often make decisions that are most of the time irrational and based on lack of preparation. The alarm goes off, you hit that sexy snooze button, get up half an hour later than you should’ve, miss breakfast, rush to catch your train and miss it, get an Uber, buy breakfast at one of those swanky insanely priced cafes’ and then role into work. You’ve already spent £15 because you simply lack discipline. We talk about controlling your money but that won’t help if you can’t control your time.
“Don’t play yourself, reward yourself” – DJ Khaled. We absolutely agree. It’s about ‘money-management’ not ‘money-no-more-fun-for-anybody’ When you reach goals or have surplus money AFTER you’ve paid yourself and monthly expenses go and celebrate your success.! The key to life is balance. You know, work hard and play hard.
We know it can be tough, but you’ve got this Dad.
Paternity, it’s only as of late that it’s really been pushed in the media. Whether that’s right or wrong it’s happening. This has put immense pressure on employers to provide fair treatment to those wanting to take paternity. But we know what you might be thinking, “will this harm my shot at a promotion?”, “Will my colleagues/competitors gain an advantage by me being out the business?” Or simply, “Do I even want to” We understand, it’s suddenly kicked in that right now you’re the sole breadwinner and so there’s more pressure. But bro, we still think you should take time off, here’s why…
The time spent is priceless
You cannot put a price on family and the time you spend with your newborn are memories you will have forever. Gone are the days that just contributing financially is enough, we’re fully investing in our kid’s futures now and that also means showing up, handling your responsibilities and holding yourself accountable for the development of your children.
Create a bond
When a baby is a delivered by the midwifery staff, the baby is checked, given the all clear and handed to the mother. Do you know why that is? Bond, James Bond. That’s right, bonding is an essential part of any relationship. Studies show that rejection from either parent has a huge effect on children’s personality. They can grow to become more anxious and insecure. They may also grow to become more hostile and aggressive.
Lighten the load
Frankly, mum has been through what you can never begin to understand. All you can do to attempt to reciprocate the effort is to support and add emotional value to your family. The first couple of weeks after childbirth for mums can be overwhelming, to say the least. Let her heal and gather her thoughts. Handle things and take care of your baby.
When you eventually do get back to work, you’ll be firing on all cylinders. By taking paternity would have built that priceless bond with your child. Now you will have and more importantly understand your “why” for working so hard. When work gets hard you can think back to those glorious moments and validate your sacrifice. Furthermore, you can share all your baby pictures with your colleagues back at work that they obviously can’t wait to see! (not)
We hope that you’re at the least more open to taking paternity leave. Trust us, we know the challenges you’re facing dad but try to make it work and be present.
Today we interview Nigel who is the founder and writer of the blog, DIY Daddy. He is one of the top Dad bloggers in the UK and is currently rated #4 dad blogger and #10 parent blogger.
Nigel is the father of five children so has had plenty of experience when it comes to being a dad. He has written extensively on being a dad as well as many other issues such as mental health, and gender issues. We reached out to him to ask him some questions
What does fatherhood mean to you?
For me, fatherhood is what I feel I was destined to be. It completes me as a person. The love I felt when I held my child for the very first time compares to nothing else in the world and that feeling has never left me.
What about being a dad has been the most challenging?
There are many things challenging about being a dad and those challenges change as your children grow up and become adults. I have found that the best way to deal with challenges is to talk to my children and try and solve the problem together. I have found that nowadays with the massive focus on social media keeping your children safe online is very challenging. It’s a difficult balancing act between their privacy but also making sure they are making the right decisions when online. I have found that you need to learn as much as you can about social media so that hopefully you can help show them the pitfalls and dangers of being online.
Could you tell us about zero waste and why you decided to participate?
As a family, we have always tried to recycle as much as possible. One day my wife and I were chatting and we thought about how we could make the world a better place for our children. That’s when I started to read a little bit about how long it takes for instance for toothbrushes to biodegrade. It’s 400 years! This totally staggered me and from that moment my wife and I decided to try and live a zero waste life. Hopefully the example we set our children will carry on and hopefully it will help reverse the mess the human race has made of this world. For me it’s vital we teach the younger generation the importance of zero waste to make the world a cleaner place for their future.
How do you balance self-employment with the responsibility of fatherhood?
I have been self-employed for about 20 years and that is approximately about the same time I have been a dad. I never really had a problem balancing the two because it’s always been a part of my life. In fact, being self-employed gives you more family time because you can dictate the hours you work.
We’ve seen you’re an advocate for mental health, why are you so passionate?
Yes, this is something I have written a lot about on my blog. The main reason is because of my own struggles with depression since I was a teenager and in those days the stigma surrounding mental health was atrocious. So I have in my own way campaigned for mental health awareness and especially for men who struggle to open up and also for our young people. I have recently been involved in a campaign called #itsoktofeelshit and this is all about encouraging young people to talk and be open if they are struggling with mental health. It was something that I was lacking when I was first diagnosed. My passion stems from the fact that there was very little help then, and I never want a young person to go through what I went through.
We’ve noticed you work with a lot of brands; how do you decide if a brand is right for you?
It’s quite simple really. Any brand I work with has to have a family or DIY theme to it because ultimately that’s what I blog about. I will also look at brands on a one to one basis and see if they are suitable for me.
Legacy is really important to us. When you go what do you want to be remembered for?
Oh my goodness, that’s a tough one! I guess I would like to be remembered firstly for being a good dad and for being there for my children. Also as somebody that tries his best for those he loved most in the world.
As someone who has experience in DIY, what costly mistakes do you see people make time and time again?
The biggest mistakes people make is believing they can do a DIY job without any real experience and rush at it. This will inevitably lead to disaster and cost more money than needed. So my advice is simple. Think carefully before you attempt any DIY job and if you think it’s going to be something that is beyond you call the experts. It will save you a fortune.
You’ve got a successful blog, what made you start blogging and exciting things can we look forward to? My blog was born from an accident! I fell from a ladder and broke my wrist. I was very bored at home and started my blog as a hobby and somewhere along the way it started to get read by people and the rest, as they say, is history! In the very near future, I will become a major contributor to a dad website and app. I can’t say any more at the moment, but it’s very exciting to watch this space!
Five children including twins! Given your experience, what advice would you give to a new dad?
I’m not one to advise too much on how to be a dad because we all do it differently, but what I will say is follow your own instincts at all times because invariably they will be right. After all, you know your children’s needs better than anyone.
Anything else you would like to add?
I would like to thank you for the opportunity to be interviewed and if you would like to know about my adventures as a dad follow me on my social channels and blog.
We’ve got to be careful with this one because it’s 2019 and you can get in trouble for anything these days. Regardless of your personal views, obesity is the second leading cause of preventable death and could cause cancer. We’re not talking baby weight, we’re talking straight obesity. It’s unhealthy. Additionally, your child may be bullied at school and as a result, your child may lose confidence in themselves which may affect your child’s academic performance.
It may be difficult at first to introduce your children to foods they are unsure of, but persistence is key. By replacing fried chips with baked sweet potato slices, your child will cut out a significant amount of oil. Despite a different outward appearance, the difference in the taste of white rice to brown rice and white pasta to brown pasta is almost indistinguishable, kind of.
Try to encourage your child to tackle at least two of these exercises a week. Running, Swimming, ball sports or racket sports. They don’t have to be expensive; all you need is basic equipment, music and some imagination. Perhaps joining in with your children in these activities can provide not only a great bonding session but will also keep you fit and healthy too. At a bare minimum, making a small effort to take your child to the park, or double-checking they have their PE kit for the day can go a long way.
If you’re trying to get your little one to shed some pounds, don’t make it harder by ordering in his favorite food and restricting him. Instead, embrace the changes with him. “Today we’re having brown rice and grilled chicken with steamed vegetables!” Encourage other members of the family to get involved and tackle the challenge together. The key word there is ‘challenge’, notice how we didn’t say ‘problem’. You and your family are a team and teams overcome challenges.
Make it fun
With the technology and gaming industry growing year by year, the culture of gathering all your friends and running around until the sun goes down is quickly becoming something of the distant past. Inform your child of the health benefits of exercise, let them experience different sports until they find what they like. You never know you might have a future footballer on your hands!
Learn to say no
Depending on if you’re the good or bad cop or both, you may find this one difficult. Many parents find that these adversities can be avoided if you just say yes and keep everyone happy. This is not the solution and you deserve a slap on your wrist if you’re a culprit. If you continue to do this, later down the line resentment will start to creep in. Your child has many friends, they need a father. That’s you. Start saying no and install discipline and direction.
Dad, there are many ways to manage this, but it will start and end with you constantly supporting, loving and developing.